A joke

my sobs for him were really cries for my lack of self love. this void had formed when we parted that showed me how much love I had been neglecting myself of. there was no balance in the distribution of positive emotions towards anything. a teeter totter constantly floating up and down from one extreme to another. this time felt so different, so different than the rest of the heart breaks he had caused me. I was trying to put these puzzle pieces together not realizing that they are pieces from entirely different puzzles. all of the "how could you's?" led to a bottomless pit of "what if's" that had no real answers. none that I was dying to know anyways.

a made up assumption of a constant need for attention caused by his subconscious intimidation made me drown in self hatred. He doesn't realize how sad he made me. as sad as I am I don't want to go back, but does it make me selfish if I say that I wish he did?

I had finally done something that went against everything that I preach as a woman. I begged for him to love me the way that I loved him. I knew he was incapable, I knew it wasn't possible before the end was near, granted I didn't know the end was the end.

I always told the women around me to never trust men, to use them for what they had, to get what you needed and go. I warned them of what having genuine love for a man could do to you, especially when the woman is the only person exuding that love. I made a mockery of myself by loving him.