the first time

 I was on my fire escape when I saw the world for all that it was. I was smoking a cigarette that I didn't really feel like smoking, watching two friends running looking at each other with big smiles. I felt their happiness from six stories above. A car stopped in the middle of the road waiting for a woman in her black slacks and red blouse to cross the street. She must have been walking to her car after work. Honking horns accessorizing the hotel room lights sparsely lit from across the block. I saw a glimpse of my whole world at a busy time when I spent the day resting in bed. There was an enormous contrast from my internal state to what I was seeing just outside. I felt a need to match the sounds, the people, the birds, and the buildings. I took a breath, without smoke filling my lungs, accepting all that I was seeing and feeling. I put my cigarette out leaving half of it for another time. It was the first time.