cancer new moon

he traced the line in the middle of my back with his long finger tips as I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat slow. he kissed my forehead as I waved through sleep and played with my knotted hair that was full of the night before. we had conversations and company for breakfast that would satisfy us until the sun set behind the trees right outside his bedroom window. my stomach hurt from laughing at jokes I normally don't find humorous. every time my mouth opened so did his ears, intently. his eyes looked like oceans and mine like grass after a spring shower. our pupils in constant dilated states, I was excited by the mundanity of doing nothing with him.

the night before, we made pasta from scratch without a recipe. I sat on the white marbled counter that was warmed by the backs of my thighs and watched him chop garlic in silence. my peripheral was unable to withstand the sight of him. we ate our homemade noodles and fell into each other's arms in a lighthearted celebration because the food tasted better than we expected. maybe I drank too much or maybe just the right amount to soften the realization that we had been swiftly falling in love. amidst talking about nothing and feeling everything, he told me he loved me. With a shaky voice and still hands I watched him for time felt nonexistent. I was hesitant to respond and a face full of inquisition made a home on me. I had loved him for a bit longer than I think he would believe. I meant it when I said it back. rivers streamed out of my eyes at the thought of one of us leaving because saying I love you to him felt like hugging myself.

the new moon that night made us restless with heightened emotions that we hadn't shared with one another before. the newness of it all was upfront and apparent. Feeling our simple experience deeply and quietly. I fell asleep crying at the fears that are partnered with love, not imagining the worst but the possible realities that could change us faster than the time it took to want each other.

when I woke up the next morning, enjoying his company and words for breakfast, he told me again. he told me confidently and happily, kissing my forehead and tracing the line in the middle of my back. I listened to his heart beat slow and the blissful silence that followed said more than I could have.